I've got a fever, and the only prescription is copious amounts of Thera-flu, Nyquil and sleep! It's that pesky flu bug that seems to be going around lately. My co-workers have come down with it, I have come down with it (and I rarely get sick) and even my brother has come down with it. So today I get home after a really long and painful day at work, made myself some tea and crawled right into bed. Every single limb in my body hurts and feels weak, my head is burning and I've got that nagging cough. Good times all around.
I was suppose to write this last night and the idea is to have a new entry on Tuesdays but alas my health at the moment was not going to allow that. Tuesdays work for me since they are at the end of what is effectively my weekend. It seems like a good way to close out/begin the week. So there it is, expect a new entry on Tuesday nights.
So last night my buddy from high school, Ryan, and I grabbed some coffee at the Gypsy Den, an old hang out of ours located in the Artist Village in downtown Santa Ana. Ryan and I have been going there since we where in school and its a nice place to just sit down, enjoy a cup of coffee and just clear your head. I was telling him how I've felt this enormous amount of focus in the last few months. So about 5 years back I went through something that I suppose you can say knocked me off my axis. I came out of it feeling completely different and really hating myself for it. I wasn't motivated to do anything and it was as if someone had just shut off the lights inside and closed for business. I was fully aware of this of course and became increasingly angry because of it. I didn't feel anything and it bothered me to the core. A lot of time has passed since then and through a very slow and painful process I think I have healed. So what I mean by “focus” is that I feel I have faced my demons and become stronger for it. For the first time in a very long time I feel motivated to get back out there and fight for something, to take risks, to feel passionate about something/someone. I know what I want and I am willing to be aggressive and fight for it.
Like I was telling him and it has become my battle cry the last week, that I have realized that all those things that would make me happy, all of those things I want in life, I deserve and I am no less worthy of acquiring than anyone else. That, I believe, is our biggest obstacle. Sometimes without even thinking about it we stand in our own way. We feel like we don't deserve something. Why does John Doe have a good job, a nice car, a great relationship but I don't? Sure sometimes there are things we can't control but if you find yourself in this situation you have to ask yourself if you've done everything in your power to try and achieve what you want in your life?
I for one would like to get back to writing. I would like to pick up my guitar again and jam with old friends. I would like to play sports again. I would like to have my own place. All these things are achievable and I don't see why, with a little effort and hard work, I can't achieve them.
So that is it for today. Sorry to cut it short but I am going to crawl back into bed and watch some more episodes of Dexter which thanks to my brother Jorge I am now hooked on. If you haven't checked it out do yourself a favor and watch it. It is brilliant and really well written.
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